Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Damn the Masses

It's been a busy night of catching up on a Tivo backlog here at MediaBlog Central Command. Along with drooling over Kat we also cried over the next to the last episode of Everwood.

As regular readers know, hatred and anger are the most common emotions on display around here. Usually with a good leavening of profanity. I've spent quite a bit of time spewing bile over the cancellation of Everwood and the return of 7th Heaven. Tonight, however, I don't feel anger, just a touch of sadness, maybe even pity.

I feel pity for the millions of people who chose to watch 7th Heaven but failed to watch Everwood. Poor, blind fools. You missed out, friends. You really missed out.

I Can't Help But Feel Responsible

You know. After finally watching all of the American Idol finale this evening, I'm feeling a little guilty. Yes, I prefer Taylor musically, but we here at The MediaBlog make it a habit of sucking up to women with great racks. You might call it a principle of ours. I can't help but feel that if we'd spent a little more time reminding our dear readers of Katherine McPhee's obvious assets, things might have turned out a little differently.

Kat, we here at The MediaBlog humbly apologize for failing to give you the worship that you so richly deserve.

So, with that in mind, here is a public apology... MediaBlog style.

Monday, May 29, 2006

An Innocent Question

U.S. traffic accident sparks Afghan riot - Yahoo! News

Q: How can you tell ragheads from Blacks in South Central?

A: You can't. They're both looking for an excuse to riot.

Popular Frickin Mechanics?

Popular Mechanics - Debunking The Myths of Katrina - March 2006 Cover Story

Read this.
Why do we have to turn to Popular Mechanics and the Blogosphere to start debunking these myths? Where the hell is the rest of the media? 200 dead in the Superdome, rape and mayhem in the Convention Center were good stories, weren't they? So were those fake National Guard documents CBS was trying to pass off as real. A good story and a true story aren't the same.

Some of us suspected that things might not have been quite so dire fairly early on. A good solid rule of thumb is that in the early hours and days of a major story you can pretty much cut any media estimates of casualities by 75%.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

A Sense of History

Brad and Angelina Spawn... Shiloh?

My wife and I plan to name our unborn child Antietam.

Corrupt = Republican... At Least At CBS

AG, FBI Chief Made A Stand Over Raid, Gonzales And Mueller Hinted At Resignation In Battle With Congress - CBS News

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and FBI director Robert Mueller signaled they would resign this week rather than give in to Congress in a dispute over an FBI raid on Rep. William Jefferson's Capitol Hill office, an administration official tells CBS News.

Top law enforcement officials at the Justice Department and the FBI indicated to their counterparts at the White House that they could not, and were unwilling to, return documents to the Louisiana Republican which were seized as part of a bribery investigation.

Um... Problem.
He's a Democrat.

Better bring the whip, Katie. You've got some work to do.

Shake Your Educational Groove Thang

Pamela Rogers - www.pamelarogers.org

I think I've posted about this delicate flower before. Another one of those hot teachers who are giving a select few students some extra credit.

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then... Wait... First... I'm Confused

New York Daily News - Home - Lloyd Grove's Lowdown: Kim & Eric wed ahead of the stork?

We here at The MediaBlog have always been of the opinion that incredibly hot semi-journalist babes should be above merely human law and morality. That is our position. That is why we will not judge Kimberly Guilfoyle, the uber-hot former wife of the ambiguously-hetero-or-possibly-not San Francisco mayor. We will not make snide comments about how her divorce was finalized in February (three months ago) and how she is now getting married to a guy 9 years her junior while she is five months pregnant with his spawn.

We will not say anything unkind about her delicate condition. We will merely gaze upon her with affection, lust and wonder. We've said it before, we'll say it again... If our dogs ever maul someone we hope that Kimberly is the one trying to send us to the gas chamber.

To Fallen Heroes

WWII hero Donald Rudolph Sr. dies at 85 - Yahoo! News

One wonders whether Jean Sara Rohe would let this man get a word in.
Or would she just start screaming baby killer?

Michael Bloomberg: Minion of the Devil

BREITBART.COM - NYC Mayor Advocates U.S. Worker Database

Republican Mayor Michael Bloomberg thrust himself into the national immigration debate Wednesday, advocating a plan that would establish a DNA or fingerprint database to track and verify all legal U.S. workers.

Why not just emboss it on our foreheads, Mikey and let the reign of your dark lord begin?

This asshole fired a guy for playing solitaire and couldn't bring himself to play hardball with the blackmailing transit workers, but is just okay peachy keen fine with taking DNA samples from every one of us as a precondition for employment.

One wonders, however, why Sara Kugler felt compelled to begin the story be identifying Crazy Mikey as "Republican." First, while he is a Republican technically, it is more of a nomme du politique (yeah, I'm sure that's butchered, bite me) than anything else. Also, one suspects that she might not have been quite so quick to similarly identify a Democrat who called for the coming of anti-Christ quite so forcefully.

Why You Should Be Reading Patrick O'Brian

"Harrowby, the master: a broad, spade-shaped face set in a smile - he was smiling now, with his wide mouth open at the corners, the middle closed. IT gave an impression of falsity; perhaps unfairly, for although the master was an ignorant, confident man there might be no conscious duplicity there. No teeth. Fair receding hair worn cropped; a vast domed forehead, ordinarily pale, now red and beaded with sweat. An indifferent navigator, it seemed. He owed his advance to Gambier, that evangelical admiral, and when ashore he was a lay-preacher, belonging to some west-country sect. Stephen often saw him in the sick-bay, coming to visit the invalids. "There is good in them all," he said. "We must try to bring them up to our level.

Maturin: "How do you propose to effect this?"
Harrowby: "I rely upon unction and personal magnetism."

Yet he did in fact bring them wine and chicken; he wrote letters for them and gave or lent small sums of money. He was ready and eager to give; perhaps readier than others to receive. Active: zealous; healthy; extremely clean; somewhat excited. He caught Stephen's eye and smiled wider, nodding kindly."

That is as elegant a description of a character as you're likely to find anywhere. O'Brian had a unique talent for creating a well-developed character with only a paragraph or two.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Hippies Eat Trash

"Freegans" forage for food in bins - Yahoo! News

This is the utopia of the Radical Left. Long hairs dumpster diving for Thai food.

Here's a quote:

"When you first start off, you think 'how am I going to live without a wage?'," says Parry, who has been living a Freegan lifestyle for more than 20 years.

"But our priority is to work for love to make the world a better place, and we want to have more time to do that. The less time we spend chasing a salary, the more time we have to do what we really believe in."

"Work for love to make the world a better place."


You know, going off on a tangent here... I listened to an hour of The Savage Nation while I was spreading anti-paste on my walls. He sucks ass. He really does. Makes Blowhard O'Reilly seem like William F. Buckley.

A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words

And, from NewsMax.com:

The CBN Web site attributes Robertson's energy in part to "his age-defying protein shake." The site offers a recipe for the shake, which contains ingredients such as soy protein isolate, whey protein isolate, flaxseed oil and apple cider vinegar.

Um... Yeah.

Preston Scott Driven From the Airwaves!!!

Preston Scott signs off at ABC affiliate

Oh Preston... Poor, sad, deluded Preston... When you have two jobs why would you quit the one you're not shitty at?

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Here, Kitty, Kitty Kitty

Friends, I would like to confess to a fetish. I have a "thing" for pictures of this sort. Genuinely hot women with wild animals on a leash. I don't know why, I can't explain it, but there it is.

Try not to hate me.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

You Won't Make Kat Your Whore, You Bastards!

Eat'n Park Offers American Idol Runner-Up Katharine McPhee $100,000 Recording Contract and Smiley Cookies for Life to Sing Jingle: Financial News - Yahoo! Finance

Don't do it, Kat! Don't settle for sloppy seconds. If you want a consolation prize then I'm right here, baby! I may not be able to offer you $100K but I can give you a million dollars worth of lovin'!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Die, Fuckers! Die!!!!!!

TV Guide Community: What the Hell! 7th Heaven Killed ...

Prepare for an obscene torrent!

Bad enough that they brought back 7th Heaven.
Worse that they killed off Everwood.
Unspeakable that the former is what caused the latter.

It's like finding out that your sister has been raped... By your dad... While your mom watched...


Okay, so it's not exactly like that. Look, I'm pissed off tonight. Pulling the Phile off XM, letting Ruthie and the tards buttfuck Andy and Ephraim... You can all go fuck yourselves for all I care. I'm going to bed.

Spoiled, Selfish Children

Graduates at New School Heckle Speech by McCain - New York Times

I have some issues with the senior Senator from Arizona. I think I have said as much in the past. That being said, I have contempt for the spoiled, self-important children of New York's New School who lack the self-assurance required to listen politely to an honorable man with whom they disagree.

This is the face of the modern Left. This is our enemy. They do not debate, they do not listen... They shout down all who dare to hold an opinion different from their own.

Miss Rohe, John McCain will be remembered and honored when your name is forgotten. There is no courage, no honor, in insulting a guest in your home.

More From the Dixie Bitches

A Dixie Chick Takes It Back - Yahoo! News

"Since breaking out of their shell in the mid-1990s, the Dixie Chicks have sold 23.4 million albums, according to stats reported by Billboard. In Time, Maines bandmate Martie Maguire sounds as if she's looking for the sales, if not hits, to continue, controversy or no.

Says Maguire: 'I'm not ready to fly coach.'"

God forbid the little tramp should have to fly with the rabble. Newsflash, babygirl,,, People like you because you're vaguely hot. Nobody listens to the Dixie Chicks because they have taste in music.

Enjoy playing county fairs... Right before they pin a medal on Zuckerman's Famous Pig.

Goddamn Motherfuckers!!!

XM, Clear Channel, whoever...

PUT THE FUCKING PHILIPS PHILE BACK ON FUCKING XM FUCKING RADIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 21, 2006


Here, in the wild, is that butt nasty pizza sandwich that The Apprentice hawked for 7-11 a couple of months back. At least this 7-11 didn't want seven bucks for it like the one in New York.

I like cold pizza as much as the next guy, but a pizza club sandwich? No, thanks.

"The Bravest Thing You Can Do Is Dare To Be Yourself"

Actually, Lifetime, the bravest thing you can do is dare to do what's right. Sometimes that will mean being true to who you are. More often than not, however, it will mean being true to who you should be rather than who you really are.

The problem with claptrap like this is that it is based on the Leftie dream world where people are good and noble if only left to their own devices. The fundamental flaw of liberalism is the notion of the perfectability of man. It's a utopian pipedream that usually ends with a lot of blood.

Where Has All The Blogporn Gone?

Never fear, gentle reader. We here at The MediaBlog are still committed to bringing you the best in blogporn.

Here, for your viewing pleasure... And only viewing, mind you. Any other forms of pleasure you may get while looking at these pictures we do not wish to know about. Your body, your choice... Is the lovely Heather Graham. I like denim. I really, really do.

The Dixie Bitches

Bush Gets No Respect From Chicks' Maines - Yahoo! News

"I'd rather have a small following of really cool people who get it, who will grow with us as we grow and are fans for life, than people that have us in their five-disc changer with Reba McEntire and Toby Keith," Maguire said. "We don't want those kinds of fans. They limit what you can do."

Geez, honey, get over yourself. I don't give two shits for you, Reba or Toby... Country music is for sister fucking yokels. That being said, you're on minute 16 so you better start making your travel plans for playing county fairs and grocery store openings.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Crackers Instead of Popcorn

Sleeping with the Enemy (1991)

They'd be much more appropriate since this is just about the cheesiest movie out there.

If It's Good Enough For the Palestinians...

Nagin Winds, Good Government Loses

The US government can de-fund the Palestinian authority because it is led by Hamas which is responsible for the deaths of innocents.

Question: Why can't we defund the government of Soggy Buses Nagin who is also responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocents?


I Think I Prefer the Man-hater Movies

Lifetime Community - A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story - Talk About “A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story”

I've gotten used to the idea that Lifetime TV believes women are good and men are evil. Now, however, it seems that they've moved beyond this and now want men to become women.

Why else tell the heroic tale of a transgendered boy/girl/thing struggling to be him/her/itself in a cruel, unkind and uncaring world?

The cultural left is a perverse and degenerate wasteland.

A Lesson For Senator McCain

New York Daily News - City News - New School grads raze McCain's talk

Now will you stop trying to suck up to these people, Senator?

Face it, my friend... The whole "maverick" thing has stopped working for you. It makes conseratives think you're untrustworthy but liberals still hate you. The only reason the media loved you in 2000 is because they knew you weren't going to win.

It's long since time that you came back into the fold, told the Dems to piss up a rope and got back to dancing with the one who brung you.

Fracking Terrifying!

New BSG To Be 'Far Darker'

Geez... I mean, it hasn't exactly been tea and muffins in seasons one and two! How fracking dark can it get?

Don't answer that.

Making Moola


If anyone out there would like a Moola referral just let me know.


Shut Up and Sing... No, Just Go Away... Okay, Shut Up, Take Off Your Top and Then Go Away

Dixie Chicks don't stick at country radio - Yahoo! News

James Madison, Benjamin Franklin and Robin Cauthron

Judge Strikes Down Okla. Gay Adoption Law - Yahoo! News

Which one is the wrong one? Which one doesn't belong?

The answer, unfortunately, is D: None of the Above. The question was, "Who wrote the Constitution?"

Who is Robin Cauthon you ask? Which of our Founders was she? She's a Federal judge in the great state of Oklahoma who has added the following to the Constitution:

"Neither Congress nor the several states shall make any law which shall break up families without considering the parents' fitness or the children's best interests."

I mean, she has to have penciled that it because she used it to support her decision that Oklahoma has to recognize pervert adoptions from other states. She has to have added it because it sure as hell wasn't in there before.

Yes, I know. She probably based her ruling on the "full faith and credit" clause or on the 13th Amendment. The fact, however, is that she basically told the duly elected representatives of the people of Oklahoma to stick it.

We don't really need anti-gay marriage amendments what we need is an amendment to severely limit the scope and reach of the judiciary. We need to abolish the falsehood that we have three co-equal branches. We need to correct the Founder's mistake that left the powers of the judiciary so amorphous and undefined.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Shoutout to XM

So here's the 411, XM... If you drop the Philips Phile then you lose me as I subscriber. It's that simple.

Everything That Needs To Be Said About Opie's Heresy Movie

"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of thing Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic -- on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg -- or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."

C.S. Lewis
Mere Christianity

Bring Out the Printing Press!

Bush Requests $1.9B to Bolster Borders - Yahoo! News

Sure! Why the hell not? What's another $1.9 billion between friends?

I'm as big a supporter of the President as you're likely to find outside of his bedroom but this is just getting to be insane. Not that I disagree with this particular outlay (though the National Guard on the border is a joke), but where is the end to all of this spending?

The economy is chugging away like crazy. Tax revenues are up. Supposed Conservatives control both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue and still the spending goes up and up and up.

6 months ago or more, I think it was after the Myers nomination was withdrawn, I predicted the coming of a Bush Renaissance. Instead, he just keeps digging the hole deeper. Where did the wheels come off? When and why? Here's a brief, worth what you're paying for it, analysis courtesy of The MediaBlog's political team:

1. He lost the Democrats among us about 6 months after 9/11. They hated him before and they returned to form once the fear and anger of 9/11 faded.

2. He lost the Independents when Katrina hit. Yeah, you and I know that Soggy Buses Nagin and Weepy Governor Whatshername are really to blame, but the TV pictures screwed Dubya over. It was a failure of perception rather than of substance. Bubba would have been up to his ample ass in floodwater on D-Day plus 2. Sure, it would have tied up relief efforts and slowed down the job but people would have known he "cared". Dubya didn't do that and to the Independents it looked like a cluster-fuck.

3. He lost the Republicans gradually when he tried to suck up to Ted Kennedy on the education bill, when he couldn't bring himself to veto ANYTHING and when he tried to screw us with the Myers nomination. The final kick in the nuts was the immigration plan. Yeah, those of us with a handful of neurons firing know that the 12 million illegals ain't going anywhere. We understand that something has to be done about them. The point is that we don't want it thrown in our faces. Play up the moat and the fence and the minefields, play down the guest workers. And here's an idea... Work on fixing Mexico. Let's be honest... If I had to live in that cesspool I'd be crawling across the desert on my belly to get to the US. They're no different. Work to give Mexicans a reason to stay in Mexico.

At this point, I think that Bush is going to take the Harry Truman path into history. Huge negatives as he leaves office but judged well by history.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Farewell You Crazy, Singing Monkey!

We here at The MediaBlog have three* endorsements for American Idol:

1. Taylor Hicks
2. Kat's soft lips
3. Kat's breasts

However, we are fully prepared to concede that Elliot:

1. Grew ENORMOUSLY during the season
2. Sings pretty damn well
3. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy.

If only he weren't so damned ugly!

Anyway... Vaya con dios, amigo.

*We are willing to give honorable mention/write-in status to Kat's ass as well.

Whatchu Talkin Bout, Willis?

Um... I understand why the cameras go to celebrities in the American Idol audience...

But Todd Bridges? What's the matter? Was Emmanuel Lewis sitting behind a woman with a big hairdo?

God Hates Me

New CW schedules two rookies, 'Everwood' axed | Reuters.com

This is the bullshit news I had to wake up to this morning. Bad enough to be bringing 7th Heaven back from the dead... I mean, that right there is like being being raped by a drunken Turk. Did they have to take Everwood from me too? I mean, wasn't enough enough? It's like the Turk is telling me to turn around so he can have a go at me from behind.

I give up. I just fucking give up.

Remember the Maine!

Aircraft Carrier Sunk in Gulf of Mexico - Yahoo! News

Geez... I knew we were having some trouble in Iraq but I never imagined it would get this bad! I mean, scratch one flattop? Was it a sub? A suicide plane? I just don't see how something like this can... What? What do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy???

Uh huh... Well, yeah, but... Right... Right... So it wasn't... Uh huh... Oh... Well, no, I didn't realize... But you have to admit... Well, yes, I suppose...



***Yeah, I know, I'm the only one who finds this sort of thing funny. I have a great appreciation for the old Bob Newhart telephone routine.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Nobody Expects the Spanish Influenza!

Tonight's Bird Flu movie on ABC was a riot! I love how the end-of-the-world movies always (well, not The Day After, but pretty much always) end with people playing Hearts with Granny or dancing on the rooftop. Yeah, sure, millions are dead. Who gives a shit? Let's rumba!

And, for sheer cheesiness, the shot of the flock of birds flying high over the African landscape carrying the next version of the Super Flu is hard to beat.

Close the gate!!!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Liveblogging the 7th Heaven Abortion

In the spirit of all my 7th Heaven posts, this entry will be replete with profanity. Parental discretion is advised... In other words: Fuck off, kiddies.

Why the holy fucking hell is Matt giving his pregnant JEWISH wife a HAM sandwich????? Not only is she Jewish she's a RK (Rabbi's kid) for Yahweh's sake!!!

Oh lovely... The tard twins have ink moustaches. Who hasn't seen that coming for weeks?

Umberto is a fat, swarthy bastard. He's supposed to be the man of Rose's dreams? Where does Brenda Hampton find these fuck-tards?

Shoutout to Simon... Marry the bitch, don't marry the bitch. Who gives a shit? Newsflash, asswipe... In about three weeks you're going to get tired of the uptight, clenched pussy. She, on the otherhand, is going to realize that you're a flaming homosexual. At that point the marriage will fly apart like a sealed can of creamed corn in a 7-11 microwave.

The little Scottish waiter is a prick. If that's a real accent, Scotland should sink into the sea. If it's fake, he should be shot.

This clusterfuck is as unsatisfying as the Seinfeld finale abomination. Why the hell isn't Ruthie having twins too?!?!?!?

Who's the lard ass wedding singer?

So Simon is the baby daddy? I'm shocked! I'm awed! I'm underwhelmed.


Sunday, May 07, 2006

Extreme Makeover: Pagan Edition

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition - Home Page

So Extreme Makeover decided to rebuild the house of a family of cow-worshippers.

Okay, good, fine, more power to them. Whether you bend the knee to farm animals or not, I don't want you to live in a hovel. That being said, did we need the witch doctor to come out and pray to the dirt?

And, for that matter and while we're at it, weren't there any American citizens who could use a little help this week?

Yeah, I'm a bitter, greedy little man. Deal with it, bleeding heart!

All Quiet on the Western Front. And the Eastern... And the Northern... And...

Family Kicked Out of Buffet Restaurant - Yahoo! News

Gosh, I guess everything is just peachy all over the world since the AP wasted like 200 words on people who got the boot from a Chinese restaurant for wasting food.

We're Big Enough To Say It

Yeah, her husband is a grandstanding political hack, but Valerie Plame is a genuine hottie!

Peanuts is Nuts

Jimmy Carter: Punishing the innocent is a crime

Cool! Jimmy Carter takes a stand against abortion!

Oh... Wait a second... He's not talking about innocent babies that he didn't lift a hand to save while spending four years in the White House all the while pretending to be a Southern Baptist? Well what other "innocents' could he be talking about?

Oh! Of course! Palestinians! I should have known. I mean, who could be more innocent than a Palestinian? I mean, if you forget the whole blowing-up-kids-on-buses thing why the Palestinians are as pure as Donny Osmond with a glass of milk.

What's got Peanuts' knickers in a wad? Why the fact that the United States is unwilling to subsidize the murder of Jews. Huh... Go figure? Not just unwilling to subsidize it, but actively trying to stop others from doing so. I guess that's the real crime to Jimmy. It's great to talk about evil but we really shouldn't do anything about it.

Jesus was a Jew, Jimmy. The people you're so quick to defend would have blown Him up without an instant's hesitation or remorse. Chew on that next time you're getting ready to teach Sunday School.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


What the fuck was that?!?!?!

Fighting Soldiers From The Sky...

Earl Woods, Father of Tiger Woods, Dies - Yahoo! News

First he putts, then he dies.

Seriously, did you know Tiger Woods' dad was a Green Beret? I didn't. He was also a bit of a wackjob apparently, but he raised a hell of a golfer.

Men Are The Enemy

Townhall.com :: Columns :: Sex, lies and prison by Kathleen Parker - May 3, 2006

In America there are certain protected classes of people whom you are not allowed to question. "Rape" victims, for one. Just as women are allowed to unilaterially decide whether their unborn child lives or dies, they also get to scream "rape" and the rest of us are supposed to arrest whoever they name, lock them up and then console the "victim".

Now, no husband who loves his wife, no father who loves his daughter, no brother who lives his sister thinks a true rapist is anything more than scum. Being a man (as opposed to merely being male) is about protecting those who are weaker and, whatever Gloria Alred and her ilk may say, women are weaker than men.

That being said, not every woman who claims to have been raped was, in fact, violated. Sometimes she was just dumped. Sometimes she thought that a scion of a wealth political family saw her as more than a place to dip his wick on a Florida beach late one night. Sometimes she feels like a group of college athletes stiffed her when she came to show her body to them for money. And sometimes, like in this story, she drank to much or snorted too much or shot up too much and put herself in a situation where sex was the natural result.

We here at the MediaBlog believe in unpleasant truths, here are a few:

-If you're a little loose when you're sober you're going to be a LOT loose when you're drunk. Don't call it rape. Your body, your choice. Choose wisely.

-If you dress like a slut and act like a slut don't be overly surprised when people treat you like a slut.

-You should be able to go up to a guy's apartment, take off all your clothes, engage in a little dry humping, let him put his dick within half a millimeter of your snatch and then say no. You should be able to do this. He should have the ability to stop on a dime, back away and spend the rest of the evening discussing Russian literature with you over tea. This should be possible. You should also be able to leave ten thousand dollars in twenty dollar bills on a bench, come back five days later and find that all the money is still there. Face facts, little girl, the world doesn't work that way.

Bill Clinton is the Fucking Anti-Christ

Soda Distributors to End Most School Sales - Yahoo! News

Bubba, continuing his focus on fucking minutiae (because, really, fighting Islamic terrorism and nuclear proliferation would have meant cutting back on the time he spent shoving blunt objects into interns and that would just be too high a price to pay), brokers a deal to get soda and whole milk out of America's schools.

Goddamn motherfucker just can't leave well enough alone, can he? Listen up, lard ass... Just because you had a piss poor mother who let you become a fat-assed band geek doesn't mean the rest of us can't raise our own children without you helping us out.

I guess I should be happy that Congress didn't mandate it, but goddamn it do we really need to be spending 30 seconds of our time on shit like this? Couldn't Bubba's time be better spent... God, I don't know... Helping tsunami victims. Building houses. Hey! How about just shutting the fuck up?!?!?! That would be a REALLY productive use of his time.

Remember the good old days when former Presidents realized that they were, well, FORMER Presidents? They'd go home, write their memoirs and then serve on a few corporate boards and work on their golf swing.

Mister we could use a man like Gerald Ford again!