Thursday, June 29, 2006

Arrogance, Thy Name is Star

StarJones.com

Gotta love the tagline at Star Jones' lookatme site:

"I am the author of the only dictionary that defines me."

Or, translated from Star-speak, "Shut your mouth, bitch, it's all about MEEEEEEEE!"

Oh, and Star? You'll get my email address and plant a cookie on my computer when hell freezes over. Like I want your fat, ugly-assed spyware on my machine.

Oh Thank God!

Rob Schneider OK after movie set collapse - Yahoo! News

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

New York Times to Star Jones: Your God Can Go Fuck Himself

Star Jones Reynolds's Departure From 'The View' Was in the Works for Months - New York Times

We already know that the New York Times hates America, but did you know that they hate God too? I know, not really that surprising, but still...

So Fatass Jones was making a comment about her future. Her full quote was, "I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm absolutely sure who holds the future."

See? That's a typical way people reference God. You get it. Here's how the NYT presented it:

"As for her next job, Ms. Jones Reynolds told the "View" audience, "I'm not sure what the future holds.""

Different, huh? Easy with the cut and paste, guys.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Schwing!

You know, I really don't give two sharp, short shits whether someone takes Viagra or not. Once we're sure nobody is sneaking plutonium into the country then we can buckle down and start searching people's bags for dick medicine.

Baba Wawa is a Stone Cold Bitch!

Star Falls from "View" - Yahoo! News

So Baba dropped the hammer on Star Jones! I guess Rosie was diva enough for Baba. Quite honestly, with the exception of Survivor hottie Elizabeth, I think pretty much everyone who has ever sat on The View set is a whore. No, not literally (since no one in their right mind would actually pay to sleep with any of these mouthy bitches), but in a figurative sense.

Don't let the door hit your ample ass on the way out, Star.

Whale on the beach! Whale on the beach!

Monday, June 26, 2006

And Now For Something Completely Unexpected

R.I.P., "Frasier" Eddie - Yahoo! News

You know, I gotta tell you... When I was casting around for who would take the Bronze in the Aaron Spelling, Patsy Ramsey trifecta... Well... This would not have been my first guess.

Is This The Face That Launched A Thousand Ships?



Okay, I give up. Taylor Hicks can go pound sand. The MediaBlog hereby offers its undivided support, worship and devotion to Katherine McPhee.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Gimme a B!

How about a little B-grade actress Blogporn, my friends. Here are a few choice shots of the lovely Leann Hunley, a definite MILF.



Saturday, June 24, 2006

A Little Bit of Everything

I've been kind of light on the posting lately so here comes a Larry King-esque stream of consciousness...

Microsoft Vista sucks the big one.

I've rediscovered Mad About You things to my blessed Tivo. Helen Hunt was really quite hot but she hasn't aged well. I also think most of my comedy as a husband is directly patterned on Paul Buckman. Anyway, the show holds up really well.

Jena Malone was a cute teenager but the years haven't been kind.

I find it funny that Bubba's SecDef is all for lobbing cruise missiles at the North Koreans so they won't launch that long range missile. Wasn't Bubba the one who got snowed by the North Koreans in the first place? Don't we have Bubba to blame for the fact that Uncle Kim has nukes to put on top of his missiles? Where were the cruise missiles then?

I find it pathetic that Peanut's VP is also in favor of the big stick approach. Where was Blood and Guts Walter when the Iranians were making a laughing-stock out of us?

First Aaron Spelling and now Patsy Ramsey... Who will put the finishing touches on that trifecta?

REALLY looking forward to the new Superman movie. Not sure why since I'm not really that into Superman. Still, Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor seems like a winner. I'm also glad they stuck with the John Williams theme instead of some insipid pop track.

Let's finish with a bit o'blogporn, shall we?

Hasselhoff Tears? Hasselhoff Tears!



It's a play on words! Get it? Get it?
Oh go bite me!

Friday, June 23, 2006

Jehovah Gets All Old Testament on Spelling's Ass

TV producer Aaron Spelling dies at 83 - Yahoo! News

You bring back that abortion 7th Heaven and, guess what, God calls your number at the deli of death. QED

Anyway, The MediaBlog sends it's condolences to his freakish, no talent daughter.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

In the Navy!

So I'm sitting here watching a Topgun. A bunch of naval aviators sitting around in the sauna in nothing but white, fluffy towels.

I never realized how gay this movie is!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Everything I Know About...

Working Girl (1988)

New York secretaries in the late 1980s, I learned from watching Working Girl.

For example, in the late 1980s all secretaries at high-profile financial firms dressed like two dollar whores.

Who knew?

Maybe Because He Had a Freezer With $90K Inside?

Black Caucus opposes Jefferson treatment - Yahoo! News

There is absolutely no justification for the way in which DEMOCRAT William Jefferson is being treated. DEMOCRAT Jefferson is being railroaded by the DEMOCRATIC leadership that wants to strip the Louisiana DEMOCRAT of his leadership position. DEMOCRAT Jefferson did nothing wrong or even suspicious. There is a perfectly good reason why DEMOCRAT Jefferson had $90,000.00 in cash stored in his freezer. It's all completely understandable. Quite honestly, I think it has to be proof of racism. Why else would they be trying to take down DEMOCRAT Jefferson when all he did was store $90,000.00 of unaccountable cash in his freezer? I'm sure many white DEMOCRATS keep even more money in their freezers. DEMOCRAT Ted Kennedy probably has at least that much in the ice maker under his mini-bar.

$90,000.00 can buy you a whole lot of chicken, Congressman.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

My Plan For Raising Everwood From the Dead

'Everwood,' Despite Finale, Offers Hearts That Keep Throbbing - New York Times

Okay, hear me out on this.

There are only two people alive who have Les Moonves' balls in a vice:

David Letterman and Julie Chen

Now, we here at The MediaBlog have been quick in our praise of America's favorite glitter gal. We've been less effusive in our praise of Dave but those who know us are fully aware that we've been fans of The Show from the wayback. (A digression, go read Bill Carter's The Late Shift... Excellent book.) Julie and Dave are our people. We've followed them, promoted them, loved them purely and chaste from afar... Now we want some payback.

Jules... Dave... Time to put the screws to Moonves. Dave, you can turn a network exec on a spit like no man alive. And Jules? Well, we all know that you have what Les needs. It couldn't have felt good when he brought that slut Couric in to take what should have been your job. Now's the time to make the bastard pay.

I leave it to you, my friends. Start busting Les' balls, do what it takes, show no mercy... Get Everwood back on the air for a fifth season.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Damn Dirty Apes



Remember how in Planet of the Apes the apes would try to kiss but their faces wouldn't really let them?