Thursday, July 05, 2007

Live Blogging the Big Brother 8 Opener

Here we go again. I'm really not proud that we watch this. We don't want to, we just can't help ourselves. Anyway, enough whining... We begin...

-Julie Chen has officially reached her birth weight. Girlfriend looks like she's made out of pipe cleaners.

-Evil Dick... Of course. Evil Dick.

-Is there one woman on this show who isn't a slut? Okay, Kail isn't a slut. Moron, yes, but not a slut.

-And, as usual, the BB house is fag central.

-What's the median age here, 23? I miss the good old days. There really isn't anyone here that I can relate to. Why not? Because I have a job that doesn't involve alcohol and I'm not a slut.

-You know, back to Glitter Girl for a second... All kidding aside, she is WAY too thin. That is just not healthy. Les needs to fatten her up a little. Take her out for a little biscuits and gravy.

-Daniele is hot. Yeah, carpet and drapes don't match, but even so...

-Carol, on the other hand, is really pretty but also seems like she's semi-human.

-You know, I really don't give a good goddamn about any of these people. They're drunken whores. All of them. Every last one. Why do I do this every year?

-Joe is a receptionist at a children's hair salon. I wouldn't let him "receive" my kids if my life depended on it.

-Jameka isn't used to being around "all these white people". How many CBS stations would the Justice Brothers have burned down if one of the white people had said the reverse?

-They don't need to mention the name of Dr. Will. He is the only player who has ever actually made BB enjoyable. Mentioning him causes comparisons which don't reflect well on any other season.

-The blonde in the checkered dress is cute in a 1960s Betty & Veronica sort of way.

-"I'm not incredibly flexible in my nether regions." Dear God, send the lightning!

-This may piss off a handful of you, but I don't give a crap. Decent people don't get gonorrhea. If you get an STD it means you were a slut. A male or female slut. The only exception to that is the 1 person in about a hundred million who get it from their spouse on their wedding night because hubby or wifey is an idiot/liar.

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