Sunday, December 27, 2009

How About Cuffs and Catheters For Everyone?

BREAKING NEWS: Possible new TSA rules in effect after terror attempt |

No, it's not some kinky sex thing... It's your next commercial flight!

...passengers will no longer be allowed to get up out of their seat for the final hour of a flight. You will also be prohibited from accessing your carry-on items during this period or from holding any items in your lap.

So you just have to sit there, stare straight ahead and piss your pants. Why don't they just strip everyone down, cuff you to your seat and let the flight attendants walk the aisle with a whip... At least that way a few of the passengers might get off on the experience. I mean, they're pretty much locking you in your seat anyway so you might as well go all the way.

All of this has long since crossed the line of being ridiculous. Bad enough that you have to take your shoes off and let some matron from TSA probe your wife (while she's wearing a Teddy Bear sweater no less... real threatening looking... trust me, been there). Now you're going to spend the last hour of your flight trying not to wet yourself while staring at the seat back in front of you.

Screen passengers as they board, profile appropriately (like El Al does), arm the pilots, secure the cabin door and tell them that they do not open the door no matter what. That's enough. Will it prevent 100% of terrorist attacks on aircraft? It will not. Only one thing would: keeping them on the ground.

I suppose I can't speak for others, but all of this does not make me feel one iota safer. It just pisses me off.

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