We've failed you. We let our guard down. It's been something like 7 months since we last updated you on the monkey threat. Well, friends, a lot can happen in 7 months... And a lot has.
While we've been sitting here, ogling Miss Martha and worrying about what sort of abomination the Colonel is going to add to his menu, the monkeys have been planning. They are dramatically more dangerous than they were last Fall.
As you can see above, they now have a powerful ally. Not just bears... No, my friends, something much worse. Bears by themselves would be frightening enough... Sharp teeth... Claws... What could be more terrifying?
Two words: bear cavalry
Faster than the average bear, these mounted shock troops will be on us before you can say, "Hey, Boo-Boo!" Things are getting very dark, friends. Very dark indeed. If you believe in God then please... Please... Pray for more time.